Boulders
Boulders is the fourth level of Crash Bandicoot. Having successfully breached Tribesanistan's elite border security back at a half-decent gate, Crashie now finds himself unwittingly sucked into the country's love of cheap knock-offs of classic American films. Specifically, in this stage, he is forced to re-enact the famous boulder scene from Indiana Jones and the...um....ummmmmmm....which Indiana Jones film is it that has that scene? I honestly don't know. Those movies suck. Mr. Bandicoot Goes to Washington: Lucas v. Naughty Dog In 1996, American film producer extraordinaire George Lucas, having not penned a hit film in over two decades, was whiny and petulant and desperately craving of attention. When his son, Jett - yes, George Lucas's son is actually named Jett - came home to Doctor Fantasy's Magic Manor one day with that newfangled Crash Bandicoot game, and George Lucas witnessed this stage, Georgie had finally found an opportunity for unwarranted attention. By 1997, he had used his nefarious mob ties to force the United States Supreme Court to hear his case. He charged that Naughty Dog were shamelessly plagiarizing his famous hit film, Indiana Jones and....um....for the sake of this, let's just call it Indiana Jones and the Big Fucking Boulder. Nobody cares anyway. Naughty Dog counterargued that the First Amendment's free-speech guarantee protects their God-given right to parody Indiana Jones and the Big Fucking Boulder, which is obviously an absurd claim, as parody is the Devil's work and I hate it. The Lucster's case was going fantastically. He had the entire Supreme Court in the palm of his big, fat, greasy, sexually undesirable hand. That is, he did, until Justice/Private Detective Ruth Bader Ginsburg did a little digging and discovered that Georgina's ties were actually to the Canadian Mafia, as opposed to a reputable American organized crime organization, and thus Mr. Lucas and his Mafia ties had no legal rights of terror over the Supreme Court. After this revelation, it took the Court no time at all to determine that, indeed, neither George Lucas nor anyone else can actually own the trademark for something as simple and basic and generic as the Giant Boulder Chase Scene™. As such, victory was awarded to Naughty Dog. George Lucas, publicly embarrassed, was forced to find another method to restore his reputation, which lead to his shameless bastardization of his own Star Wars franchise that continues to this very day. According to most professional legal scholars, professional court judges, and professional bowyers, Georgalina's case might've been more successful if he had also been aware of the existence of the level Boulder Dash, another blatant ripoff of his semi-treasured film franchise, buried deeper within the game. He could've made a better case if he'd just played a little deeper into the game, into the heart of the second island, to gather a little more evidence to back up his completely unjustifiable frivolous lawsuit. These esteemed professionals believe that the ill-advised uninformed legal route he took instead only serves to reinforce the cruel stereotype that George Lucas is a fucking short-sighted moron. Though the squabble was over, hard feelings would remain indefinitely, because people like holding grudges. It's, like, their only fucking hobby. In 2002, after Naughty Dog left the series, Vicarious Visions thought they would be cheeky and include Lucas plagiarism in Crash Bandicoot: The Huge Adventure, in the form of the Temple of Boom stage. They even hopefully hoped that George Lucas would take note of this, too, and sue them, too, for the publicity! Then maybe they would become famous! They didn't, obviously, because Lucas never played that game. Nor did most people. Because the series was miserably past its prime, you see. Despite being unaware of this infraction, though, Lucas still held a deep grudge against the Naughty Doggy Crashie gamies, because they actually were relevant, unlike these third-party shenanigans. This grudge manifested itself in 2008 when George Lucas produced a fourth instalment in the Indiana Jones franchise, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, that, according to literally everyone - even the star of the film, Shia "Even Stevens" LeBeouf - was completely terrible. This awfulicity was a conscious choice by Lucas and his team of professional Georgologists, who wanted to disgrace the name of Crystals worldwide, as they had emerged as the signature item of the Crash Bandicoot series. Little did he know that his treatment of Crystals (and skulls thereof) was still less embarrassing than anything Radical "Entertainment" did. Trivia *This level's name derives from the 1973 album of the same name, a solo venture by British musician Roy Wood, more famous as a member of the famous bands The Move, Electric Light Orchestra, and Wizzard. Perhaps coincidentally, Crash is the only living organism seen in this level - just as Wood obviously is the only living creature heard on his solo album. Both the level and the album are generally considered to be soul-crushingly bland. *Weirdly enough, the boulder in this stage automatically jumps over every single crate in this level, meaning that Crashie can't rely on it to murder the crates he missed. This is weird because most real-world boulders don't possess the ability to randomly jump of their own free will. According to fans, the only possible explanation for this was that the boulders in this stage are not actually boulders at all, but rather, giant boulder-textured hamster balls controlled by noted rodent aficionado Papu Papu's beloved pet hamsters. In 2009, Mr. Papupapudopoulos finally put the endless fan speculation to rest once and for all by confirming that, indeed, this was the case, in his much-publicized interview with Rodent Aficionado magazine. Category:Crash Bandicoot Levels Category:Scooby Doo-Themed Levels